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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24066886">we have become something different, beloved (tragic and lovely)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Areiton/pseuds/Areiton'>Areiton</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/venusiaries/pseuds/venusiaries'>venusiaries</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(sorta) - Freeform, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Canon Compliant, Civil War Fix-It, Eventual Happy Ending, Everything Hurts, Fix-It, James "Rhodey" Rhodes is a Good Bro, M/M, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, New Avengers, Non-Linear Narrative, Past Sharon Carter/Steve Rogers, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Recovery, Sokovia Accords, Unreliable Narrator, breaking up, but it gets better</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 19:27:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,547</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24066886</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Areiton/pseuds/Areiton, https://archiveofourown.org/users/venusiaries/pseuds/venusiaries</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"What's the Accords?" he asks, and Tony's head tilts.<br/>"I don't think that concerns you," he says.<br/>"But you don't deny that it's something."<br/>"There's a lot of <i>something's</i> I'm involved in that you don't know about," Tony says.</p><p>~~~~</p><p>There's a story, years long and publicly known, about the way the Avengers ended and why.<br/>And then there is the truth, carefully hidden and protected.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes &amp; Steve Rogers, James "Rhodey" Rhodes &amp; Tony Stark, Steve Rogers &amp; Avengers Team, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>96</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>444</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Captain America/Iron Man Reverse Bang 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>we have become something different, beloved (tragic and lovely)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I had SO MUCH fun with this story, and the art that spawned it is like. Utterly gorgeous. As always, a huge thanks to the folks at Cap-Ironman community for facilitating such a fantastic event.<br/>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div class="separator">
  <p>
    <a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-w_sCi2nzSro/XrTCkdEF_iI/AAAAAAAAD14/1hIbQ1FRJAwwPUPjhFIFqCygf-JVsYdSgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/we%2Bhave%2Bbecome%2Bsomething%2Bdifferent%2Bbanner.png">  </a>
  </p>
</div><p>
  <b>Now </b>
</p><p>When the Rogues step off the quinjet and back onto American soil, it’s been almost two years. </p><p>Two years since Siberia and Germany, two year since he’s seen Steve Rogers and the team he called <em> family </em>. </p><p>At his side, Rhodey stirs, a metallic whir of gears and tech. He doesn’t look away. Now, two fucking <em> years </em> after his world came crashing down, is not the time to flinch. </p><p>He steps forward,steps away from his new team, the team he has built and recruited to replace the one who turned on him and smiles, sharp and cold. </p><p>“Welcome back to the United States,” he says. </p><p>Rogers stares at him, with all the recognition of a stranger. With all the warmth of an enemy. </p><p>They are. </p><p>They are enemies. </p><p>~~</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Three Months Ago. </b>
</p><p>“T’Challa has asked to see us,” Sam says, and Steve glances at him. Two years in Wakanda--when they’re lucky--and on the run has changed the man, scraped away so much of the shine that first caught Steve’s eye. </p><p>He’s staring at Steve now, all sharp-edged impatience and Steve--Steve nods. Stands and glances at Bucky. “You comin’?” </p><p>Bucky lives here. He isn’t one of the Rogues, doesn’t fight--hasn’t since he woke up free of the triggers in his head and down a metal arm and Shuri asked him what he wanted. </p><p>Steve doesn’t even want him to fight. But he feels strange, still, wrong-footed and off-balance when he goes to fight or debrief and there’s a gaping hole at his shoulder. </p><p>“Yeah,” Bucky says, startling Steve and Sam both. “Might as well--the princess has been dropping enough hints that I think it’s gonna affect me too.”</p><p>He sounds <em> tired, </em> weary and resigned. </p><p>Steve glances at Sam as they wait. “The others--”</p><p>“Meeting us in the king’s war chamber,” he says and Steve nods. </p><p>~~</p><p>T’Challa arrives moments after Steve settles himself at the war table. Natasha and Wanda are lounging at the end, Sam straight backed and intent at his elbow, Bucky lingering a few steps away. </p><p>It’s been almost two years since Scott and Clint took plea deals and went <em> home </em> and it still stings, the empty places where they should be. </p><p>He misses them, even if he knows it’s best for them to be with their families. </p><p>The king sweeps in, his sister at his side, the pair flanked by three of his Dora Milaje. Even after two years of friendship and the King’s strange patronage, Steve fights the urge to rise and bow. The way that Sam twitches at his side makes him think he’s not the only one. </p><p>T’Challa nods at something Shuri is murmuring and the princess smirks and peels away from his side to beeline for Bucky, her eyes bright and amused. </p><p>Only Shuri would treat the Winter Soldier like a puppy who followed her home. </p><p>T’Challa sits across from Steve, and smiles. “My friends. You are going home.” </p><p>~~</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Six Months Ago </b>
</p><p>“Explain to me how this happened?” Tony says sharply. It’s tilted up, just enough that’s it’s not an <em> order </em> but that doesn’t stop Pepper from giving him a dirty look. </p><p>“I <em> have </em> explained it,” she says. “I explained when it began two years ago, and I explained it a year ago and six months and every month since then and frankly, you <em> didn’t listen.”  </em></p><p>“You never said it would get to <em> this,” </em>he snarls, waving the file at her and throwing it down. </p><p>Pepper’s lips tighten and Rhodey shifts, placing a restraining hand on Tony’s arm. </p><p>“A campaign for the sympathy of the public,” she says, stiffly. “That’s what I said. I know that’s what I said because I have said it so many times, Tony, the words echo in my <em> nightmares.”  </em></p><p>He looks at her, and hesitates. Because she’s pale and she’s furious, but she’s trembling, too, a fine little shudder that he only notices because they’ve been working together, friend and lovers and something between the two, for so long now he <em> can’t </em> not notice. </p><p>“Pep,” he starts, stricken. </p><p>“I <em> tried,” </em> she says, and it comes out exhausted and defeated. “I tried so hard to turn this around.”</p><p>“I never make it easy for you, do I?” he asks, soft and she makes a noise, small and heartsick. “Tell me.”</p><p>She sits across from them and lays it out in black and white, with the larger than life still shots that can’t be denied.</p><p>Steve Rogers and all the rest.</p><p>He’s not wearing the flag anymore, Tony notes, staring at Nomad. But then, America turned her back on her favorite son, and he returned the favor.</p><p>“The New Avengers have kept a low profile,” Pepper says, and it’s almost apologetic, a glance at Rhodey to soften the blow. “Spider-man’s been busy with New York and Hope is doing what she can in California but for the most part—the team you’ve built hasn’t done anything that the public can rally around.”</p><p>“And the Rogues?” Tony asks, arching an eyebrow.</p><p>She motions to the file. It doesn’t need explanation. Nomad and his team have done everything Tony chose not to—rescue work in the Andes’ mudslide, a battle with Doom over a small stadium of people, clearing a beach in Thailand when Namor got a little feisty. They even worked with Johnny fucking Storm, and Tony wasn’t sure what that said about his tentative alliance with the Fantastic Four.</p><p>Steve Rogers was traveling the globe, rescuing babies and righting wrong and—“The PR campaign was very well done,” she says, reluctantly. “You’re seen introducing a new line of tech while Rogers and the Rouges are rescuing trapped miners—people have very short memories, especially in America. It wasn’t <em> our </em>streets and airports they destroyed.” She shakes her head. “They have the good will of America, because it’s hard to hate someone rescuing children, Tony.” </p><p>He nods, not bothering to vent the scream climbing his throat. Pepper sighs and hooks her hair behind her ear. “Between that and the new Accords—there isn’t a way to stop this. The public perception is there and they <em> want </em> the Rouges home.”</p><p>Tony stares at it, at the picture of Nomad.</p><p>He’s staring at the camera, his blue gaze piercing and intent, and Tony feels <em> pinned </em> by it.</p><p>“When,” he asks, gasps out, and Rhodey’s hand on his arm is all that’s holding him together.</p><p>She makes an unhappy noise and his gaze snaps up to hers.</p><p>“When are they coming back, Potts?”</p><p>“Soon,” she admits. “Six months, at the outside.”</p><p>He nods, and exhales and never looks away from the photo of Rogers. </p><p>~~</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Three Years Ago</b>
</p><p>There’s a silence in the room, a tension that sits heavy in his bones. Wanda is quiet and still, anxious in a way that thrums against his skin, but his focus is on Tony. </p><p>Tony, standing with all the confidant arrogance that Steve hates and loves, and he’s destroying their family. </p><p>“I’m sorry, repeat that?” Natasha says. Her voice is almost painfully empty, the way it was in the beginning, right after New York. She hasn’t sounded like that--empty and reserved and <em> apart </em> since before--</p><p>Before he left for DC. </p><p>Before Bucky came back to life. </p><p>Before Tony’s paranoia grew legs and attacked them and almost destroyed humanity. </p><p>“I’m leaving,” Tony says, easy, carefree. </p><p>Like he isn’t <em> shattering </em> them. </p><p>“Why?” he hears himself ask.</p><p>He shrugs, spreads his hands, like the wreckage they’re sitting in isn’t answer enough. </p><p>They were <em> happy </em> here. </p><p>Clint is going cold and distant next to Nat and Thor looks concerned and bemused and Bruce--</p><p>Bruce is still missing. </p><p>There are too many people in the room—Wanda and Rhodey and Vision and Sam, people who he likes, i</p><p>t <em> stings, </em>how public Tony is making this.</p><p>“You’re running away,” Steve says, finally, finding his voice.</p><p>Tony rocks back on his heels. His eyes are hidden behind sunglasses—he hasn’t worn sunglasses in a setting like this in so long it’s <em> jarring </em>. “You’re breaking the Avengers,” Steve says, voice a rough accusation.</p><p>Tony doesn’t flinch. He just shrugs and nods, tips his chin at Wanda, pale and pretty in her chair. “Didn’t she say I would?”</p><p>“Those weren’t real!” Clint snaps, and Tony arches an eyebrow.</p><p>“Weren’t they? Natasha?”</p><p>Her lips twitch and her eyes gleam, furious, but she doesn’t argue. They <em> can’t </em> argue.</p><p>“I’ll be on reserve. If you face another Insight, if the world is <em> ending </em>, Ironman will come. But I—I’ve done this superhero thing long enough,” he says.</p><p>Rhodey makes a noise, patently disbelieving, and Tony meets his gaze. Steady. Unflinching.</p><p>Steve thinks—this is what convinces him. What convinces the team.</p><p>“I destroyed the suits, Rhodes. What did you think that meant?”</p><p>The tightening of Rhodey’s jaw, the slump in his shoulders--<em> Rhodey </em> believes him.</p><p>And if Rhodey believes him, believes Tony can walk away—he must actually be doing it.</p><p>“You have full use of the Compound, and the upper ten floors of Avengers Tower will be reserved for the team and support staff.”</p><p>“What are you going to do?” Steve asks, blurts out, can’t help but demand.</p><p>He can’t imagine the Avengers without Tony. He doesn’t want to.</p><p>But Tony is leaving them, leaving <em> him, </em>and he wants to know what he will do instead. How he will move on from this thing that feels all consuming. </p><p>Tony smiles and shrugs. “Who knows? I’ve reinvented myself a few times, Capsicle. Maybe it’s time to do it again.”</p><p>He grins, and it’s so pleased, so eager to get away, to <em> move on </em>, that it silences Steve. Because Tony hasn’t looked that carefree and eager since—</p><p>Before Ultron. Before JARVIS was killed.</p><p>Before the team started to fracture.</p><p>He goes silent, listens as Tony reels off the benefits the team won’t lose, listens to him appoint Maria Hill to be their contact within SI, listens as he says, rocking on his heels and hesitant for the first time. “I think that’s everything. Go save the world.”</p><p>He’s gone, and there’s a silence that’s glaring in the absence of his voice, and Steve thinks, as the team scatters to lick their wounds and cope in their own ways--Wanda’s vision was right.</p><p>Tony is the man who destroyed the Avengers. </p><p>~~</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> Eleven Months Ago </b>
</p><p>“Have you heard?” Rhodey asks, abruptly. Tony rolls to his back and scrubs at his eyes. He’d stayed up too late, working on an upgrade for Pete’s suit and Rhodey storming in this early, sharp and angry isn’t unfamiliar enough to burn away the cobwebs quickly. </p><p>“Bluh?” </p><p>Rhodey huffs, and comes into the room, his braces whirring, his tread steady and just a bit slower than Tony remembers from too many mornings of being dragged from his bed by his brother. </p><p>"Wake up," Rhodey says and his voice is sharp, sharper than Tony is used to. He sits up and takes the coffee Rhodey's carrying. It's too sweet but he's been stealing Rhodey's coffee long enough he doesn't do much beyond a small grimace. </p><p>The tablet Rhodey hands to him causes a bit more of a reaction. </p><p>The headline is brilliant and big and impossible to ignore. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>SECRETARY OF DEFENSE THADDEUS ROSS INDICTED </em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>He sips the coffee and arches an eyebrow. "That was fast," he comments. </p><p>"Three weeks," Rhodey says. The flat tone is almost accusatory and Tony blinks at his best friend. </p><p>"What's wrong?" </p><p>"Did you do this?" </p><p>Tony frowns. "Did I do what?" </p><p>"Ross," Rhodey says. "From start to finish, this has been clean and fast and impeccably timed--it's the kind of coup that you and Pepper executed when you cleaned Stane's people out of the board." </p><p>"Thaddeus Ross is the American liaison for the Avengers Initiative and the Accords Council," Tony says. </p><p>Rhodey is silent, watching Tony with narrow eyes. He reaches out and takes the coffee from Tony, swallowing the dredges and picks up his tablet, flicking the stories to holoscreens. The stories glow, a brilliant arc reactor blue in the dim bedroom. Rhodey flicks through them lazily. The indictment, the expose with confidential sources about Ross' ties to mutant hate groups, the op-ed piece on the Accords spring boarding Ross' bid for the White House. </p><p>The aerial shots of the Raft and Ross' involvement in Insight and Harlem. </p><p>There's even a letter to the editor from his daughter, Betty, detailing the abuse she'd witnessed for years, the threats she'd faced when she fell in love with Bruce, the quiet intimidation and towering fury in a man so accustomed to getting his way, to <em> ruling </em>. </p><p>"Know what I noticed, reading through this?" Rhodey asks, and Tony makes a non-committal noise. </p><p>"Everheart has her name on a lot of this shit," Rhodey says and Tony blinks at him. "And you can say what you want about Christine--but you've trusted her since she came to you about Gulmira. Pepper has too." </p><p>"What are you saying, platypus?" Tony asks, swinging his legs down. He adores Rhodey but maybe in his boxers on his back wasn't the place for this conversation. </p><p>"Did you do this?" Rhodey asks. "Did you engineer Ross' being arrested?" </p><p>"Why would I do that?" Tony asks. Rhodey stares at him, steady and intent. "What do I have to gain from Ross being gone?" </p><p>"I'm tryin' to figure that out," Rhodey admits and Tony tips his head at him. </p><p>"I'm not trying to get anyone arrested--all I want is for my family to be safe. For the world to be safe. That's it." </p><p>"And the Rogues?" </p><p>"I want my family safe," Tony says. "How do you think they fit into that, these days?" </p><p>Rhodey's lips thin, and he shakes his head. "You know you don't gotta play these games with me, Tones. I thought you learned that shit in college." </p><p>"I don't know what else you want from me, Rhodey. I told you--" </p><p>"You answered the questions," Rhodey says, sharply and Tony falls silent because he hates that tone in Rhodey's voice. "But you didn't tell me shit. You <em> haven’t </em> told me shit for a long time now, Tones." </p><p>~~</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Eighteen Months Ago </b>
</p><p>They don't talk, right away. There's the mess of getting home, finishing the mission, getting the collar off Wanda and containing her wild, uncontrolled fury in the aftermath. There's Clint's rage to handle, his fury burning hot and deep and <em> hurt </em>. </p><p>Sam is quiet, steady. Patient. Sam is his solid rock, the person he's been leaning on since before he ever realized that's what he was doing, and now--now his team is a disaster and Bucky is in ice and everything he thought he knew is a mess and Sam is still quiet, steady. Patient. </p><p>They don't talk, right away. Because Sam has never pressed unless he thought Steve <em> needed </em> it, and after all the years together chasing Bucky, he knows when Steve <em> needs </em> it. </p><p>It's been three days and the team is finally beginning to believe that they're safe, that they can breathe in the warm air of Wakanda and not worry about being thrown back into the Raft. </p><p>"What happened?" Sam asks, finally. </p><p>Steve doesn't look at him. Because Sam--Sam had always wanted to tell Tony the truth about his parents. Had said it wasn't right, to use his money and his tech and not tell him the most basic truth about what they were looking for. </p><p>Sam is watching him, and he thinks of lies, lies layered on lies, truths tucked away and hidden, and how much damage that did. </p><p>He tells him the truth and watches Sam's handsome face go shocked and pained and hurt and--finally--furious. </p><p>"You <em> both </em> attacked him?" Sam demands, strangled, "Cap, what the hell--" </p><p>"He was going to kill Bucky," Steve says, tired. "I had to--"</p><p>"What? C'mon, Steve, he was in the fucking suit. You gettin' involved didn't stop him from killing Barnes--Stark stopped himself from killing Barnes. You're the one who told me Tony in the suit is the only thing that can stop the <em> Hulk </em>. Barnes isn't the fucking Hulk." </p><p>Steve's mouth snaps closed. Sam is standing now, trembling with fury. "Have you at least checked on him?" </p><p>"I don't--" </p><p>"It's been six fucking <em> months </em> , Rogers. I thought it was weird, that Stark wasn't coming to the Raft, that he wasn't kicking up a fuss--is he even <em> alive</em>?" </p><p>"Of fucking course he is," Steve snapped, stung and Sam glares at him, unhappy. </p><p>"Of course he is," Steve repeats. "He's got a thousand safeguards built into the suit. He's fine." </p><p>"The suit you destroyed," Sam says. </p><p>"I did what I had to," Steve said. </p><p>"You always do," Sam murmurs, slumping suddenly. "And damn the consequences." </p><p>Steve doesn't answer that. He doesn't <em> have </em> an answer for that. </p><p>"What happens now?" Sam asks, quietly. </p><p>"I'm working on that. Are you staying?" </p><p>Sam smiles, stiff and unhappy. "Don't got anywhere to be." </p><p>The response is ritual and familiar, a call and response that has always soothed him. </p><p>It doesn't now. </p><p>Sam walks to the door and he hesitates, looks back at Steve, he looks--tired. <em> Old </em>. All of his shiny faith worn away. </p><p>What happened to them, in there? Steve wonders again. </p><p>"If it helps at all--I don't think he wanted this. Tony. He wants us to be better. He never wanted this." </p><p>"The Accords were his idea," Steve says, the words strange and painful in his mouth. </p><p>"He did. But I read 'em, in there." Steve's eyebrows shoot up and Sam smiles, unpleasantly. "I had a lot of time. And those Accords were to protect <em> us</em>, as much as it was to protect civilians. This--this was never supposed to happen." </p><p>"Tony left," Steve says, gently. "He left the Avengers. We're not his priority to protect." </p><p>"But he still tried," Sam says. "He <em> tried</em>, Steve. What's that say?" </p><p>~~</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Eighteen Months Ago </b>
</p><p>He finds Tony in the conference room at three a.m., surrounded on all sides by reams of paper and holoscreens glowing in front of him. DUM-E is even here, nudging at the piles, out of place so far from the 'shop. </p><p>"You're supposed to be sleeping," Tony says, not looking up from what he's reading. "You're still healing." </p><p>"So are you," Rhodey says, pointed, and that does get Tony to look up, eyes gleaming dark and exhausted. "What're you doin', man?" </p><p>Tony hesitates for a long moment, and then sighs, and shoves away from the desk, throwing a file onto the holo screen FRIDAY pops up in front of him. </p><p>Rhodey pauses, staring at it. </p><p>"These are the Accords," Rhodey says, slowly. His gaze flicks away from them to where Tony is fidgeting, radiating anxiety. "Why are you working on the Accords?" </p><p>"Because in the morning, I'm meeting with a legal team from SI to discuss how to rework them," Tony says quietly. "I'm throwing as much money, as many lawyers as I can buy to fix this mess." </p><p>Rhodey blinks. "But we signed the Accords," he says dumbly. </p><p>They had. They signed the Accords and the world promptly went to shit. "You aren't Ironman anymore," he adds, even though the words feel wrong on his tongue. </p><p>They've felt wrong since the day Tony stood not so far from here and resigned from the Avengers. </p><p>"I'm never going to stop being Ironman," Tony says, and he sounds <em> exhausted </em>, tired in a way that he hasn't sounded since they were idiots in college, and Ty sold their sex tape, and Tony weathered his first sex scandal. </p><p>"Why are you doing this?" Rhodey asks. He flicks through the file slowly, but it's too dense and Tony's notes are covering almost <em> all </em> of it, scrawled in the margin and voice recordings that he doesn't bother to open. "What is this about, really? Is it Rogers?" </p><p>"I don't know what you mean," Tony says, and Rhodey huffs. </p><p>"Do you love him?" he asks, point blank. </p><p>Tony goes still, and Rhodey's stomach turns, unpleasantly. "You can, you know. Who you love won't change anything," Rhodey says, gently.</p><p>"He put you in a wheelchair," Tony says, and there's a layer of self-loathing under the brittle fury and it's <em> not </em> a denial. </p><p>Rhodey sighs, slowly. "You took me out of that wheelchair," he says softly. "You gave me back my legs, and you gave me my wings. Rogers didn't take anything from me that I can't get back, if you put your mind to it." </p><p>Tony stares at him, his eyes wide and shiny and Rhodey glances at the Accords again. </p><p>Tony still hasn't answered him, and he doesn't think he <em> will </em>. But. "Why is this important to you?" </p><p>"The Avengers died," Tony says softly. "I killed them, when I left. But there is still something coming for us. Who's gonna defend us, during the next alien invasion? How are they going to, when the Accords that want to put them in a max security prison in the goddamn ocean?" He shrugs, spreads his hands. "I'm fixing the Accords because the world needs us to fix them." </p><p>~~</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Three Years Ago </b>
</p><p>He gets the call when he's walking home. </p><p>"I'm sorry," Tony says in a rush. </p><p>It used to be strange and thrilling, to hear Tony <em> Stark </em> say those words. </p><p>Now--now it's just exhausting. </p><p>"I've been waiting for three hours," Steve says, tired. He isn't even angry--he almost wishes he <em> was </em> . He's so <em> tired </em>, is the thing. "You coulda called if your meetings were gonna run over." </p><p>There's a guilty silence, and he gets it suddenly. </p><p>"You were in the 'shop, weren't you?" he says. "There was no meeting." </p><p>"Steve, I'm sorry," Tony says, and he's babbling about making it up to Steve, about making him dinner and moving date night to the penthouse, and Steve--</p><p>Steve agrees because he'll take what he can get from Tony, has always been painfully easy for Tony, and a date in the penthouse means he'll be able to fuck his frustrations out on Tony's pliant, beautiful body. </p><p>He agrees, and he tucks the hurt away and when Tony smiles at him, he smiles back and it feels, almost, real. </p><p>~~</p><p>His phone buzzes and Tony pauses in the middle of what he's saying as Steve glances at it. "If you've got somewhere to be," Tony says, leading, and Steve shrugs. Tucks it away. </p><p>"It's nothing. Sharon." </p><p>Tony's face does something, then, something complicated and displeased, before he tucks it away and breezes through the weapons specs, and in just a few minutes, he's being dismissed, and DUM-E is tugging him away as Tony slides his welding goggles on and it feels <em> wrong </em>, somehow, but his phone buzzes, a new text, and he shoves it aside. </p><p>~~</p><p>Tony is reading in bed. Steve rolls across, the few feet separating them, curls in close to him and glances at the holoscreen, catching legal jargon and <em> Accords </em> before his eyes go unfocused. He mumbles, "Whazat?" </p><p>"Nothing," Tony breathes, and flicks the screen away, scoots down to curl around him and kiss him, and if he won't talk about the legal jargon he was reading, Steve won't push. </p><p>He's sure Tony will tell him about the accords eventually.</p><p>~~</p><p>They fight. </p><p>They fight a lot, it's part of <em> them </em>, has been since that first mission, since they shoved into each other's space and snarled. </p><p>This though--this isn't fighting over a mission, this isn't a friendly disagreement getting too hot. </p><p>This is Tony frigid and rigid and glaring at him, and Steve staring back, burning with hurt, and the team watching, awkward, and <em> Sharon </em> , of all fucking people, being thrown in his face, like Tony doesn't spend his nights and days and hours in between flirting with Pepper, and sure, it's different, they're friends and they work together, but that <em> isn't </em> different, and Tony--</p><p>"Did you fuck her?" Tony asks, abruptly, the fight draining out of him. "Was it like fucking Peggy?" </p><p>He hears Clint gasp, a shocked hurt noise, but it's so far away it feels like it's someone else. "Fuck you," he grits out, and Tony smiles, and it's sick and empty and Steve--</p><p>Steve bolts away. </p><p>They fight and it's nothing they haven't done before, but it feels <em> different </em>. </p><p>~~</p><p>He kisses her. </p><p>He hates himself for it, and hates Tony for it, and hates Sharon for it, too, for being there and smiling so sweet and it's not fair, not right to hate her when she doesn't know about Tony, doesn't know that he's breaking something. </p><p>He kisses her and tells himself it's already broken. </p><p>~~</p><p>When he moves out--he doesn't say anything. </p><p>He just packs up his duffle while Tony is in Tokyo with Pepper and moves back down to his floor, where Sam is living, and when Tony comes home--he doesn't say anything either.</p><p>He tries very hard to convince himself things are better this way, lying in an empty bed, the taste of lipstick and Sharon on his lips and his arms aching for a man he doesn't have the right to touch.</p><p>~~</p><p> </p><p><b>Twenty months ago </b> </p><p>"Incoming call, Boss," FRIDAY says and Tony scrubs a hand over his face. </p><p>Christine Everheart's pretty face displays on the holo and for a second, he's exhausted. </p><p>For a moment, he wants to ignore it, wants to bury his head in the sand, wants to fucking <em> quit </em>. </p><p>He shoves that down, because he's never had the luxury, and clicks through. </p><p>"Ms. Everheart, it's always nice to hear from you," he starts, fake bright cheerful. </p><p>Christine doesn't even flinch. She's too used to his shit to buy it now. "Do you have a comment about the Accords Council interning enhanced individuals in an offshore supermax prison that seems to be completely off the books?" </p><p>Right for the jugular, this one. </p><p>"I think if the Accords Council feels it's necessary, it must be. The Accords Council is to protect the civilians of the world, isn't it?" </p><p>"So you support the Raft prison, then? You support the interment of the so-called Rouges in that prison?" </p><p>"I support compliance with the Accords, however best that suits the people of this country and the earth, <em> and </em> the enhanced individuals who protect it," he answers. </p><p>Christine pauses. There's a thick tension and she says, softly, "You've been there, haven't you?" </p><p>"Once," he answers. "And I gotta admit, that it's not what I expected. I'll comply with the Accords, Ms. Everheart, and the Council--but no one deserves that. Certainly not the people who saved the world, a few times." </p><p>“Can I quote that?” </p><p>He smiles. </p><p>~~</p><p>The first time he saw it--the actual prison, not the plans that JARVIS found hidden in the WSC's files or that FRIDAY dug up when he went digging, paranoia and distrust thick on his tongue--the first time he saw it, Rhodey's blood was still crusted under his nails and he could feel the phantom thrum of his pulse, thready and weak, under his palm and terror was star bright and wrapped tight around fury. </p><p>The first time he saw the prison, he was terrified and confused and <em> angry </em>, and it sank in, but through a fog, a distant kind of consideration, that it was a special kind of hell. </p><p>The second time--</p><p>The second time he stood in it and he was too tired to be angry. He stood next to Ross, with FRIDAY in his ear and ached from a shield buried in his chest. It had all healed--the shattered sternum and fractured bones in his wrist and cheek and ribs. The bruises had faded and scars took up their new places on his body, and he could smile without feeling it tug white hot pain across his face--</p><p>But he still hurt. </p><p>"Did you have something to do with it?" Ross demands, and he blinks. </p><p>Blinks again. "Did I help Rogers bust his band of backstabbers outta your underwater pokey? Is that what you're asking?" </p><p>Ross stares back, all flat and unconvinced and Tony smiled, shark-toothed and media bright. "General, I'm a law abiding citizen. I signed the Accords. I want nothing more than to keep the world and my family safe." </p><p>"But did you have a hand in it?" Ross demands. </p><p>"You heard me, General. And if you don't trust me, you're more than welcome to search my digital records--if you can find someone who can read and actually understand them." </p><p>Rhodey stirs, his face creasing for the first time, and Tony smiles, waves at the empty prison. "Whoever did this, General--it wasn't me.”</p><p>~~</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>One Year Ago </b>
</p><p>"We got word about a HYDRA base," Tasha says, sprawling across his couch. Sam wrinkles his nose and shoves her dirty boots off his lap. </p><p>"Where?" </p><p>"Spain," she says, and her gaze fixes on him, bright and piercing, at odds with the way her lips curve in a smile, at odds with the loose pliancy of her posture. "I think we should leave it to the Council." </p><p>He looks up, arching an eyebrow. </p><p>It's <em> HYDRA </em>. There's not a chance in hell he'll leave it to the Council, and she knows it. </p><p>"It's one base, Steve. The council can handle one base. HYDRA is never going to recover from what you and Winter did, after Triskelion. This isn't that." </p><p>"Hey," Sam protests, mildly and she rolls her eyes. </p><p>"If it's not a serious threat, the Council might ignore it," Steve says, hard and tight. </p><p>"They have SI weapons," Natasha says, and it silences the room, cold and tense, and his muscles tighten, because--</p><p>Fuck. </p><p><em> Fuck </em>. </p><p>Tony. </p><p>"He'll be there. There's no way in hell Tony will let the Council sit it out, not if his weapons are involved. He's spent too many years burning through every cache he can find. And the squids--" she shakes her head, rueful. "He'll be there." </p><p>"Then it'll be a very thorough burn pile," Steve says, evenly and Sam sighs. Natasha doesn’t say anything, but a smile, small and secretive, flickers at the edge of her mouth.</p><p>~~</p><p>The mission goes sideways almost immediately. There are more guards than Tasha's intel said and Bucky bolts as soon as the doors get blown open, a blind charge into the base that makes Sam curse and dive after him. </p><p>The sound of a repulsor makes Steve freeze, going still as he stares up at Tony. </p><p>He's beautiful. </p><p>Steve stares at the man he almost killed, the man who did his level best to kill Steve <em> and </em> Bucky, and he's impossibly beautiful, gleaming red and gold and deadly above the battle. </p><p>"You're not supposed to be here," Tony says, distorted and familiar, and Steve shrugs. Slings the shield and takes out a HYDRA agent aiming at Tony's back. He jumps to catch it and slams it down into another black clad goon. </p><p>"Was in the neighborhood." </p><p>Tony snorts, and zips away, and it's only as he goes that Steve realizes that War Machine is on the field, that the team looks almost whole as they fight, Sam and Rhodey covering each other, seamlessly. There are new faces and Tony's voice rings out a few times, cutting through the noise to shout over the battle before he huffs and the comm in Steve's ear screeches before Tony is there, over-riding their tech and making the whole thing <em> easier </em>.</p><p>It goes sideways because it's so fucking easy, slipping into what they once were, fighting side-by-side with people he can't help but trust, even though he <em> knows </em> better. </p><p>It goes sideways because Tony's fists tighten when Bucky comes out of the base, blood soaked and wild-eyed, and Wanda's hands brighten with red mist magic and he doesn't know--</p><p>Later, he won't be able to tell. Who threw the first punch--</p><p>He only knows when Tony flies away, it's because Rhodey is pulling on him, and the suit is dented and there is blood on Bucky’s mouth, and Steve can't stop watching. </p><p>He can't look away. </p><p>Tony has always been too beautiful for him to look away.</p><p>~~</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Two Years Ago</b>
</p><p>He starts the day in Steve's hotel bed. He wakes alone, the sheets cool to the touch, and he pushes himself up, and sees Steve sitting a few feet away, in a chair, his eyes distant and tired, and it makes him ache, pushes him from the bed and across the room. "Hey, big guy," he murmurs, and Steve blinks at him. He's already showered, his hair hanging wet and in his eyes, and Tony steps between his legs, slips his arms around Steve's neck. </p><p>Like this, he can hold Steve against him, hold him close and sheltered, <em> protected </em>. It's his favorite way to hold Steve, and the way Steve's arms come around his waist, big hand spread open and grasping at his bare skin, he thinks he's not the only one who loves it. </p><p>"You ready?" he asks, and Steve shudders against him. </p><p>No. The answer is no. Neither of them are ready. It doesn't mean that today won't happen. </p><p>"I can't go with you," Tony says, apologetic, and Steve shakes his head, smiles ruefully. </p><p>"Sam is going to head down with me. Will I--will you be there?" he asks. <em> Will I see you? </em> </p><p>Tony nods, and kisses him, carefully, presses everything he can't say into that kiss and Steve kisses back, hard and hungry and desperate. </p><p>Just shy of begging. </p><p>"Go," he says, softly, when they break apart, his lips still brushing Steve's. "I have to get ready, and you have to go." </p><p>Steve's arms tighten and then he lets Tony go, and slips into his suit as Tony slips into the shower. </p><p>~~</p><p>He sees Steve, later, face stoic and eyes wet, as he carries the casket into the cathedral. </p><p>He doesn't see any of the man he spent a night with, and it breaks his heart a little. </p><p>~~</p><p>The fight is brutal, and there's a moment, when Barnes takes his gun from him, that he feels blood stopping fear, heart-weakening regret, before it registers, that his tech did it's job, that he's breathing. </p><p>That in a fucking Tom Ford and loafers, he's holding his own against the Winter Soldier. </p><p>Then Barnes slams him through a wall and he realizes just how outclassed he is. </p><p>~~</p><p>Watching Peter sprawl across the tarmac is terrifying, but it's nothing like watching Rhodey fall. </p><p>His <em> brother </em> is falling, and Steve is flying away with Barnes, and everything has spiraled so far out of his control, and he screams as he dives after Rhodey. </p><p>There's silence on the other end of the comms, Rhodey isn't shouting back at him, not anymore, but as he dives, racing gravity time the fucking <em> inevitable </em>, he can hear it echoing still, the way Rhodey gasped his name. </p><p>He sounded so fucking <em> scared </em>. </p><p>Tony screams again, and then the noise is all cut, silenced by the sickening sound of Rhodey slamming into the earth. </p><p>~~</p><p>"Boss," FRIDAY says, softly. "You can't go alone. It's dangerous." </p><p>Tony hesitates, just once. Because he remembers Steve's fury, the blows he didn't pull on the airport tarmac. He remembers the fear facing Barnes. </p><p>He can hear the sound of Rhodey hitting the ground, still, can't fucking get it out of his head. </p><p>But there's this too.</p><p>Bruises on the soft skin of his thighs, and the finger shaped bruises on his back, and Steve's hair slipping wet and soft under his lips. </p><p>"He won't hurt me," Tony says. "Take it offline." </p><p>She's quiet, radiating disapproval, but she does what she's told. </p><p>~~</p><p>He breathes. </p><p>The video plays out, and two feet away, Barnes watches, anxious. </p><p>He breathes. </p><p>The video plays out, and the man he loves stands at his side, quiet, so fucking quiet. </p><p>He breathes. </p><p>The video plays out, and the madman who played them all like fools watches, and he wants to scream. </p><p>"Did you know?" </p><p>"Tony--" </p><p><em> "Did you know? </em>" </p><p>Steve hesitates--</p><p>He breathes. </p><p>~~</p><p>It's different. </p><p>It's <em> vicious </em>. Steve is arguing and he's holding Tony back, trying to stop him and it registers, distantly, that even while he's trying to stop him, Steve isn't using any force to make it stick, that Tony can brush him off like a fucking fly brushed aside. </p><p>He sees Barnes watching them, sees confusion and anger, and he smiles, grim and hits Steve with a blast that sends him to his knees.</p><p>Barnes goes for his arc reactor, and Steve is too far away and too close and panic is clawing at his throat, and his parents are dead, dead, <em> dead </em>. </p><p>He triggers the unibeam and Steve--</p><p>Steve breaks. </p><p>~~</p><p>Everything <em> hurts </em>, and his suit is dead, the arc reactor shattered and aching in his chest and the shield is lying close enough to touch. </p><p>Rogers and Barnes aren't. They're gone. They're both gone, and he's alone with nothing at all. </p><p>The suit beeps, a soft burr of noise, an emergency distress signal that means someone will come for him, eventually. </p><p>There's nothing left to do. No one to fight, sure as hell no one left to protect. </p><p>He lays back against the cold. </p><p>He breathes. </p><p>~~</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Thirty Months Ago </b>
</p><p>He's panting, a little, and Sam is staggering along at his side, cursing him with a wheezing voice, when they hear them. </p><p>Steve perks up, smiles, because that's Tony's voice, Tony is here, Tony is at the Compound despite his assurances that he's not part of the Avengers anymore, despite the fact that he's done exactly what he said he would and busied himself with innovating and revolutionizing a new field. </p><p>Medical robotics, this time. </p><p>He tries very hard to not think about that and what it could mean, for Bucky, when they find him. It's not fair to think about that. </p><p>Tony is standing near the sliding doors, and next to him is--</p><p>"Secretary Ross," Steve says, startled. "I didn't realize you were coming by today." </p><p>"It wasn't planned," he says, waving a hand. "Stark, you'll be in touch?" </p><p>"Of course, Mr. Secretary. Let me know if you need--" Tony says, his voice dripping sincerity and it makes Steve do a double take. </p><p>"I will," Ross says, cutting him off and striding for the green, where a fucking <em> chopper </em> is waiting. Steve grits his teeth as it powers up, the blades sending up a whirlwind of grass and grit. He pulls Tony back a step and slides the door shut, and tries not to let his hurt show when Tony pulls himself out of Steve's grasp. </p><p>They aren't together, not anymore. He needs to remember that--it's not like Tony has forgotten, not with the way he's filling his bed with pretty models. </p><p>Rumiko was startling, honestly. He didn't even know Tony <em> knew </em> the model. </p><p>"What did Ross want?" Steve asks, instead of chasing that thought. </p><p>Who Tony dates is not his business. Tony left the team and he left Tony and there's no room, in the mess of their relationship, for <em> that </em>. </p><p>"I had a meeting with him, on behalf of SI," Tony says, slowly, arching an eyebrow. "Not  any of your concern." </p><p>"You're not at SI," Steve says, sharply. "This is Avenger's HQ." </p><p>Tony blinks, and sticks his hands in his pockets, smiles lazily. "I recall. Since my name is on the deed." </p><p>Steve bristles, and he's aware of Clint and Wanda clustering in the kitchen and Sam's sharp gaze on them, and Tony standing close enough to touch and a thousand miles away and that damn lazy smile. </p><p>"What's the Accords?" he asks, and Tony's head tilts. </p><p>"I don't think that concerns you," he says. </p><p>"But you don't deny that it's <em> something </em>." </p><p>"There's a lot of <em> something's </em> I'm involved in that you don't know about," Tony says, disinterested. </p><p>"The Accords are about enhanced," he says. "At least, what you were looking at on page forty eight subsection three b is." </p><p>Tony's eyes narrow, considering and he straightens. Shrugs a little, lithe and unconcerned, even as his gaze is sharp and angry. </p><p>"That doesn't concern you." </p><p>"Would you tell us if it did?" Wanda mutters, and Tony's gaze flicks to her, briefly. </p><p>"I know you don't believe this, but I'm not lying to you. I'm doing what I have to." </p><p>"Like you did with Ultron," Clint asks, and Tony doesn't flinch. </p><p>Just smiles, shark sharp and just as cold. "You did what you had to, to protect your family, Barton. Don't come for my throat because I'm doing what I have to, to protect mine." </p><p>He turns away before any of them can respond, and Steve is left standing surrounded by his team, with more questions than he had to begin with and the one burning in his throat like bile is, <em> what </em> family? </p><p>~~</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Twenty-Eight Months Ago</b>
</p><p>It's strange, when he visits the Compound. It feels unfamiliar and ill-fitting, and it takes him almost six months of monthly visits to realize--it's like when he would stop by Triskelion, when he'd visit Steve there. When he was treated like an outsider, someone tolerated but never actually appreciated for who he was, whose only value was what he was bringing to the table. </p><p>It shouldn't be a surprise, and it shouldn’t <em> hurt </em> , not when he considered that this team wasn't his--Clint and Thor all left in the wake of his own withdrawal from the team, Bruce was gone before he was. This team was Cap's and it <em> felt </em> like it. </p><p>Still. </p><p>Rhodey was his, had been since before anyone had dreamed up Avengers, and the Compound, with it's rolling grounds and world-class tech and unbelievable overhead was his and when he walked through it with Rhodey at his side, or Nat and Steve grinning at him, it almost felt like home. </p><p>Almost felt like he belonged. </p><p>He stepped into the living quarters with Steve, relaxed and happy in a way he hadn't realized he missed, until he was here, shoulders and tie loose and Wanda Maximoff was there, watching him with big, hostile eyes from across the room, her hands tight on the counter, a sheen of red in her gaze. </p><p>"Ms. Maximoff," he murmurs, and Wanda snorts. </p><p>"Tony's joining us for dinner," Steve says, and Tony flicks a glance at him. He can't actually be <em> that </em> oblivious, can he? But he's stand there, smiling, happy like all is right with his world, like the little witch isn't ready to rip Tony apart for <em> breathing </em>. </p><p>"Why?" she asks, sharply and Tony smiles tight and turns to Steve. Arches an eyebrow. </p><p>"Because he wants to," Steve says, firmly. </p><p>Wanda huffs and stalks away, magic trailing from her fingers and Tony shivers. </p><p>~~</p><p> </p><p>Dinner is awkward and tense, and Wanda is withdrawn, sullen when she isn't outright hostile. It's fun, the way that family dinners with Howard and Maria were fun, in the way that Tony thought he'd left behind decades ago. </p><p>"You could stay," Steve says, as Tony gets ready to leave with an twisting belly and a pounding headache. </p><p>"That's such a spectacularly bad idea, Steve," he says, and Steve frowns. "She's your team. And she hates me." </p><p>"She's got a lot of baggage from HYDRA, still," Steve allows. </p><p>"She took a lot of baggage into HYDRA," Tony shoots back. Steve's face goes stubborn and Tony scrubs a hand over his face. He doesn't want to do this, doesn't want to argue with Steve over Wanda fucking Maximoff. </p><p>"It's--it doesn't help you or your team for me to be here," he says. "And it doesn't help me. I'm not an Avenger anymore." </p><p>It comes out more wistful than he means, and Steve's face does something almost <em> painful </em>, and Tony takes a hasty step back. Bumps into the car and smiles, and it feels false, like he's running, and he thinks he is. </p><p>"It was good to see you, Cap," he says, and slides into the Audi. Steve watches him the entire time he drives away. </p><p>~~</p><p> </p><p>He dreams, red misted tinted nightmares of the people he loves, dead and Steve's sad, accusing eyes and wakes screaming. </p><p>~~</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Twelve months ago. </b>
</p><p>"You need to see this," Sam says, his voice tight and angry and Steve straightens from where he's slouched against Bucky. He glances at his best friend, and then rises and follows Sam into the tiny living room of their safe house, where Wanda is curled in tense ball of anger, glaring at the screen. </p><p>Thaddeus Ross is there, against a backdrop of the Accords seal, and it makes Steve's stomach turn, as Bucky flanks him, and they listen. </p><p>It doesn't make sense. The words, he <em> hears </em> them, he knows what they mean, separately. </p><p>But they don't make sense, strung together. </p><p>Wanda's voice is shaking and he can't tell if that's rage or terror, but whatever it is, it makes everything click into place, and his stomach lurches. </p><p>"They want to register us," she says. </p><p>Super Human Registration Act. </p><p>"They want to tag us like <em> animals </em>," she says, and he bolts to throw up, messy and burning, tears stinging his eyes. </p><p>~~</p><p>Wanda can't be pried away from the TV. She watches the news for three days, watches the mutants protesting and fury in a quiet old man who stands as their leader. She watches the arguing talking heads and when Ross gives another press conference, and the speculating hosts wondering if the Rouges were right, fighting the Accords a year ago. </p><p>She watches the rallies that spring up to support the SHRA and red mist shivers around her. "They want us caged and collared," she snarls. "Like we are beasts." </p><p>"It won't pass," Sam says, a hollow kind of desperation in his voice. </p><p>"We said Hitler wouldn't take Paris, too, and we were wrong then," Bucky says, and this--</p><p>Bucky has been quiet, in the days since the initial presser, quiet that makes Steve nervous because Bucky is only quiet when Winter feels too close. Anger burns hot and <em> loud </em> in him but this--this made him withdrawn and quiet. </p><p>He wonders if Bucky remembers the burnt synagogue they found in the war. He wonders if Bucky remembers the bodies they found thrown by a set of tracks, women stripped naked and bloated in the sun and they could still see the bones pressed against their skin. </p><p>They spent two days burying those bodies, and Bucky didn't talk for a week, after. </p><p>The war was a special kind of hell, for a Jewish boy from Brooklyn. </p><p>Watching Bucky watch the news, Steve has his answer. </p><p>~~</p><p>"Can he undo this?" </p><p>Steve looks at him. The safe house is too small for them to have personal space, and he'd never really wanted it from Bucky--it's familiar and comforting to have him sleeping in the same tiny cramped bedroom. </p><p>"What do you mean?" </p><p>"Stark," Bucky says and Steve stills at the note in his voice. "Can he undo this?" </p><p>"Stark hasn't made a statement about the SHRA," Steve says, because that's one of the most reported facts about the proposed bill. That Ironman <em> hasn't </em> addressed it. </p><p>"He supports the Accords."</p><p>"That doesn't mean he'd support this," Steve snaps, and Bucky is quiet. </p><p>Steve isn't stupid enough to think he's sleeping, and it doesn't surprise him, when his voice drifts from the dark, almost painfully empty. "I don't know what game you and Stark are playing. I don't even know that <em> you </em>know. But I hope to hell that he can undo the damage that the SHRA will cause. I ain't living through a second holocaust." </p><p>He's quiet, and stares into the dark, unseeing, for a long time, after Bucky falls asleep. </p><p>~~</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Thirty Months Ago</b>
</p><p>Rhodey asks him about it, after he leaves the team. </p><p>After he's done what he said he'd never do, when he's broken the Avengers. He sits next to Tony in the 'shop that's quiet and empty without JARVIS and it aches, the grief of losing his first best child, his partner. </p><p>No one said anything about it after that night, when the stood around JARVIS' corpse and threw accusations and fury and he couldn't respond because JARVIS was <em> dead </em>, and--</p><p>"Why'd you quit?" Rhodey asks, and Tony looks at him, and he wants to drink, and knows, knows with a certainty born of experience, that drinking this deep in his own grief is a horrible idea. </p><p>His hands have enough blood on them. </p><p>"A lot of reasons," he says. "No reason at all." </p><p>Rhodey doesn't say anything, waiting, and Tony sighs. "I can't protect my world <em> with </em>the Avengers, honeybear. They do good work but I'm not here to clean up messes. I'm the Futurist," he says, wistful. </p><p>Of all the things the world has called him, that is the only one he's loved, wholehearted and unreserved. "I'm the Futurist, and I'm looking to the future." </p><p>~~</p><p>The fractures were already there. </p><p>He shattered them into pieces, but the fractures were already <em> there </em>. </p><p>Steve never called, during the mess that was Triskelion. The ships went down, and no one on their side died, but it was a mess he read about on his Starkpad, where he was helpless to help. </p><p>And maybe that's turnabout being fair play and all, because he didn't call either. </p><p>When the Mandarin and AIM blew his life to pieces, sent his house tumbling into the ocean, and Happy into the hospital and he was dead again--no one came looking. </p><p>He was alone, with a sassy kid and a broken suit and Rhodey, and Rhodey was all he'd ever needed, back in college, and that was still true in so many ways it didn't hurt, during the thick of it. </p><p>It hurt later. </p><p>It hurt when Steve limped back to the Tower with a man shadowing him that Tony had never even <em> heard </em> of, when he'd walk into the kitchen and find them laughing, caught in a story that Tony didn't know. It hurt when Natasha came home, dragging Clint behind her, and fell into Steve's space without pause, when she passed him information with a smug smirk and didn't share with anyone else but no one else seemed to be lost. </p><p>It <em> hurt </em>, was the thing, because it was familiar--glass that kept him on the outside looking in, where he'd spent his childhood in boarding schools, where he lived, at MIT, until Rhodey made a space for him. </p><p>He pressed and pressed, and he pressed against glass, and every single time Steve smiled at him and didn't speak, every time they fucked and didn't talk, every time Natasha stopped talking when Tony entered the room--it all shattered hairline fractures in glass that he could see, because he was pressed against it desperate to get on the other side. </p><p>Then Sharon fell into Steve's bed and the hairline fractures gave way. </p><p>Tony broke them. </p><p>But they'd been broken for a long time, before he walked away. </p><p>~~</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Three Years Ago</b>
</p><p>Tony leaves the room, in the wake of his bombshell. </p><p>"What the hell was that?" </p><p>"I'll go," Rhodey says, and Steve watches as the older man follows Tony from the room. </p><p>He's irrationally angry--he wants to be the one chasing Tony. </p><p>He wants to be the one who gets to hold him and cajole him back. But that's not his right anymore. </p><p>And he has a responsibility <em> here </em>. </p><p>He closes his eyes for a moment, breathing, forcing his hands to still and unclench, all of the gentle shifting that makes it possible, to bear the weight of his responsibility. </p><p>He is so tired. </p><p>"What the hell was that?" Clint asks, sharply. </p><p>"He's been off," Natasha says softly. She’s watching Steve and her gaze is softer than it should be, and intent. "Since Ultron, Tony's been--not quite right." </p><p>Wanda is still, utterly, and Steve very deliberately doesn't look at her. </p><p>"So he's just gonna cut and run? I thought I quit having to deal with that shit when you outgrew your rebellious stage, Nat." </p><p>She gives him an unimpressed grimace and Steve raps his knuckles against the table. "Tony being here or not doesn't change the fact that we have a job to do," he says, sharply and he can feel them watching him. </p><p>He wonders what the hell they see. Pushes the thought aside and takes a breath. </p><p>He's in the middle of the debrief when Rhodey comes back. </p><p>He comes back alone. </p><p>~~</p><p>Clint lasts two months, after Tony leaves. He has nightmares a lot, Steve can hear it, the hitching sobs and Natasha's soothing voice easing him from the grip of terror. </p><p>Steve wonders if he dreams of Loki and mindless killing, or if he dreams of Pietro falling, body riddled with bullets. </p><p>He doesn't ask, and maybe that's why--two months. </p><p>"Saving the world is a young man's game," he says, smile twisting sardonically, and Steve claps him on the back, sends him on his way and doesn't say--he's right. </p><p>He's right. </p><p>Sometimes Steve feels every single day of his one hundred years, and wonders what the hell he's doing. </p><p>~~</p><p>"Have you heard from Ross lately?" Natasha asks. Steve's in the middle of writing a report on their last mission, a mess of gun-runners in Cambodia, and the question catches him off center. He blinks. </p><p>They both lead the team, but Natasha is much better at the whole political maneuvering, even with her performance on Capitol Hill. </p><p>"Should I have?" </p><p>She shrugs. "I've heard some rumors. About some new legislation." </p><p>Steve stills. </p><p>"They're calling them the Accords," she says, and he flicks a look at her. "You haven't heard anything?" </p><p>Steve shakes his head, and she smiles. "I'll keep an eye on it. Talk to Tony. I'll let you know what I find." </p><p>"Why Tony?" he asks, not quite able to stop himself. "Do you think he still cares about Avenger shit?" </p><p>She blinks at him, sphinx like and unreadable, and he hates when she blocks herself away like that. "Do you think he doesn't?" she asks, instead of answering, and he doesn't answer. He isn't sure how to answer, so he doesn't say anything. </p><p>"Tell me if you find anything," he says instead, and goes back to his report and the headache brewing behind his eyes. </p><p>Her gaze stays fixed on him for a long time. When she finally stands to leave, she pauses and looks back. “You know, you can tell me.” </p><p>“Tell you what?” he asks, and she shrugs. </p><p>“Whatever you think I should know.” </p><p>He looks at her, and arches an eyebrow. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” </p><p>She smiles, and it’s mocking and sad, and he watches her go. </p><p>~~</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Now </b>
</p><p>"Welcome back," Tony says, cutting the silence that's stretching and growing tense, and he watches Steve twitch, just a fraction of motion. He looks away. </p><p>Barnes is watching him with pale blue eyes, vibrating with a subtle tension, but relaxed in a way that he doesn’t expect. Sam is looking at Rhodey like he's fucking <em> hungry </em>, a desperation that makes Tony look away because that kind of raw vulnerability is--should be--private. </p><p>Wanda is almost bristling. </p><p>"Your quarters have been moved one floor--the New Avengers took the main level when we were still confidant you wouldn't get pardoned. If you don't like your apartment, please talk to my assistant, he'll be happy to help." </p><p>"Will he really?" Rhodey murmurs and Tony snorts. Harley was angrier than any of the New Avengers, but he didn't need to go into that with anyone. </p><p>"Thanks, Tony," Natasha says and he blinks at her. She's breaking ranks with her team, striding across the narrow space that still separates them, slipping into his space and then--</p><p>He makes a noise he hates himself for as  she hugs him, her body tiny and soft and familiar against him. </p><p>She still smells the same, a perfume he never has been able to name, and vanilla, something so common and innocuous and yet perfect for her. She feels the same too, her arms fierce as she hugs him and his own arms slide around her waist, hugging her tentatively. </p><p>"It's going to be ok," she whispers in his ear, confidently, and he blinks back tears. </p><p>He doesn't know if he believes that. But he thinks maybe--maybe if Nat believes it--maybe that will be enough. </p><p>~~</p><p>"FRIDAY," he says, softly. He's watching the team settle into their rooms, watching the way they move around and with each other. Familiar and comfortable. It stings, and soothes, all at once. </p><p>"Boss?" she says, tentative. </p><p>"It's time, baby girl. Final stage of Cassandra Protocol." </p><p>She's quiet, and then, "Yes, Boss. Shall I set the meeting for tomorrow?" </p><p>He sighs, and rubs a hand over his eyes. He is so fucking <em> tired </em>. Still. One more night. </p><p>He looks at the display again. Steve is sitting in his room, staring directly at FRIDAY'S sensor. It makes his breath catch, that steady gaze. </p><p>"Yeah. Tomorrow is--tomorrow is good." </p><p>~~</p><p>He curls up against Rhodey on the couch, and his best friend wraps an arm around him. "We can still leave," Rhodey murmurs. "The Council would love for us to be on the West Coast." </p><p>"My house is on the bottom of the Pacific," Tony reminds him and Rhodey huffs. It's, admittedly, a weak argument. </p><p>"You want this, don't you?" Rhodey asks, and Tony presses harder against him. </p><p>"I want my family to be safe. That's all I ever wanted."</p><p>“And you’ve always wanted <em> this, </em>” Rhodey says. Tony looks at him, sharp, and Rhodey smiles. “You forget, genius, I’m not the team.” </p><p>“You know?” he whispers, and something in his chest cracks open when Rhodey shrugs. </p><p>“I know enough.” </p><p>Tony hides against his side and Rhodey hum, soft and soothing, while the night deepens. </p><p>~~</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Three Years Ago </b>
</p><p>Steve watches Tony. He's always watched Tony. He's, at the heart of him, an artist, and Tony is a bundle of beauty, light sparking in the dark, the most beautiful thing he's ever seen, and he <em> can't </em> look away. </p><p>He watches Tony, and this is what he knows--</p><p>Tony cares. A deep-seated burning sort of care, for the world and for technology, and for the people he chooses. </p><p>And he wears armor--thousand-dollar suits and metal suits and ridiculous sunglasses and a smirk that changes with his audience and all of it is armor, protecting him, keeping a world that has hurt him at bay. </p><p>He smiles during a press conference, and he's got soot on his face and his armor and there's blood trailing down his temple and his smile is shark sharp and challenging. </p><p>It's different than the smile he gets in the 'shop, when he's shouting at DUM-E and U, all caustic insults delivered in a sharp voice with a smile so soft it makes Steve <em> ache </em>. </p><p>It's different from the smile he gets, on movie night, a drowsy, content thing that appears when he's curled up with Bruce or Nat or a blanket he drags from one of the hidey holes he's built into the penthouse, where blankets so soft they feel like clouds are squirreled away.</p><p>It's different from the smiles he directs at Fury in debriefs and consult appointments, two parts mocking, three parts self-deprecating, and the banter is sharp and fast and cutting, but always, always, Tony laughs, the high pitched giggle he gives when he's happy and not just preforming, and Fury's lips twitch, never quite smiling, but happier than he usual is. </p><p>He smiles and he smiles and he smiles and sometimes, at gala's and charity events that don't include children dressed up like Ironman and Captain America, his smile is fake and strained and plastic, because Tony has been preforming since he was a child, has been paraded in front of the public since before he could speak and he's <em> good </em> at it, living in the limelight, has to be good at it since it's all he's ever known--but it still has to be exhausting. </p><p>Steve thinks Tony must be very tired a lot of the time. </p><p>~~</p><p>He watches Tony, and he files away the curves of his lips and the brightness of his eyes, and the lines around them both. </p><p>He learns what they mean, what Tony smiles are protecting and projecting, and it still hits him like Thor's hammer to his chest, the day he sits in the briefing room and Tony tells them he's leaving the Avengers and his smile--</p><p>His smile is wrong. </p><p>His smile isn't the soft one he wears when he's happy, or the wide excited one Rhodes always brings out. </p><p>His smile is bright, shark sharp and challenging, and Steve wonders when the hell Tony started smiling at them with armor on, when he started protecting himself from the people he called team. </p><p>~~</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Three &amp; a half years ago </b>
</p><p>There is stubble burn on his belly and on his thighs, and a pleasant ache in his ass, and Steve is still asleep in his bed, the first time Tony hears the words, <em> United Accords </em>. </p><p>The call comes from Rhodey, the <em> warning </em> he doesn't recognize as a warning, and he looks at it, the briefing he doesn't have the security clearance for because he's a civilian now, and not under contract with SHIELD or the DOD or any of the other alphabet agencies. </p><p>Not that security clearance meant shit, Rhodey had always been a damn good soldier and a much better <em> friend </em>, and if he thought Tony needed this warning, he'd get it to him. </p><p>He looks at it, and his brows furrow. He's never heard of the lobbyist heading the committee, has never heard of the many ambassadors who are backing it. </p><p>That doesn't matter <em> too </em> much. He's been out of politics for most of his run as Ironman. </p><p>"How serious is this?" he asks, pouring a cup of coffee, not bothering to give Rhodey time to say good morning. </p><p>"It's gathering steam," Rhodey says, reluctantly. "I'm keeping an eye on it, but--it could be something serious." </p><p>"Oversight isn't a bad thing," Tony says, taking a too hot sip of coffee and Rhodey winces for him. </p><p>"It is when Ross is the head of the oversight committee. When someone like Pierce or the WSC is." </p><p>Tony doesn't say anything. He doesn't need--they both know it's true. </p><p>"Keep an eye on it," Tony says and Rhodey gives him an unimpressed look, like he can't believe Tony is bothering to give him directions. </p><p>Twenty years of bad habits are hard to break. </p><p>He crawls back into bed next to Steve, presses close to him and sighs as Steve inhales against his hair, presses a kiss to his temple and twines their legs together. "Where'd go?" he mumbles and Tony smiles. </p><p>He loves Steve like this--soft and sleepy and vulnerable. He loves that Steve trusts him enough to let him see him, even now. </p><p>"Had to talk to Rhodey," he says. </p><p>"Anything wrong?" Steve asks, a hint of that sleepy sweetness draining away and Tony kisses him, hard and shakes his head. </p><p>"No, sweetheart. Nothing." </p><p>~~</p><p>The Accords don't go away. Rhodey looks worried, when Tony calls, and the foreboding settles in his bones. </p><p>"We're not gonna dodge this, are we?" </p><p>"You've got one chance left--the ruins in the Potomac aren't doing a lot to endear the public. The Avengers trash another city--this is gonna go through." Rhodey looks tired. So tired and bitter, and he hates that look in his friend's eyes. "Saving the world doesn't seem to stack up against property damage, man." </p><p>Tony smiles, and changes the subject. </p><p>~~</p><p>He sits next to Steve on his couch in the workshop. He doesn't want this in their bed, doesn't want this <em> here </em>, where they are safe and happy--but he doesn't know that there's anywhere he wants this. </p><p>"Tony?" Steve asks, softly, and lowers his sketchpad. He's watching Tony, eyes narrow and concerned, bright and so full of love. </p><p>Steve has always looked at him with eyes full--full of anger, full of fondness, full of exasperation, full of love. </p><p>He wants to stay in that full gaze forever. </p><p>He takes a deep breath and says, "JARVIS, open up the Cassandra Protocol." </p><p>~~</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Now</b>
</p><p>There's a low ding and Sam blinks up at the ceiling. He's gotten used to living without FRIDAY, but he spent long enough here that the sound is familiar and welcome, and it makes his eyes sting a little, with how much he missed it. </p><p>God it's good to be back home. </p><p>"FRIDAY?" he asks. </p><p>"A dossier, sir," she says, "Boss has called an Assemble at noon tomorrow." </p><p>He frowns, and he can't say <em> how </em> he knows, but the air is different, and he knows the AI isn't answering any further questions. </p><p>He flicks a holo screen up and opens the dossier. </p><p>~~</p><p>Wanda frowns at it. "What is the Cassandra Protocol?" she murmurs, and Stark's face fills the holo screen. </p><p>He looks younger. Tired. </p><p>"Ready?" Steve--her frown deepens--says, off screen. </p><p>Tony shakes his head but his eyes smile. </p><p>~~</p><p>"What the hell," Peter breathes, and across from him America is cursing, low and steady. Jessica has already bolted and his comm is ringing, Hope calling in as Harley drops next to him. </p><p>Tony is still on the holo. Still talking. There are files, too, cascading out, all of them neatly labelled and--</p><p>"What the hell did he do?" </p><p>Harley's lips thin. "Not him," he says, and it draws their gazes--all of them. Kate and America and Jessica and even Matthew's blind gaze swings to the young man. "<em> Them </em>." </p><p>~~</p><p>"The Compound is on lockdown," FRIDAY says, and her voice is sweet, almost. </p><p>Almost. </p><p>"Unfuckinglock it," Clint snarls. </p><p>"The lockdown will end when the Cassandra Protocol has been observed," FRIDAY says. </p><p>Clint laughs, and Natasha steps out of the kitchen to see him, battering against the shutters. </p><p>"He won't let you out," she says. "Not without an explanation." </p><p>"What the fuck do you think that dossier was?" Clint snarls and Natasha smiles. </p><p>~~</p><p>Rhodey flicks through three files, and then groans. "Shut it down, FRI," he orders, and rolls back into his pillows, closing his eyes. "I want to sleep." </p><p>~~</p><p>The team is <em> pissed </em>. He expected it, really, but the way that hostility bubbles up as he steps into the room makes him want to falter, want to turn and wait. </p><p>He squares his shoulders and strides forward, and he's only a little bit surprised when Bucky falls in at his side, silently ghosting along like he belongs there, and Steve let's out a slow breath. </p><p>"You knew," Sam says, his voice low and furious and Steve doesn't look at him. </p><p>This, he thinks--this is the easy part. </p><p>Tony comes in before they can settle, close enough on his heels that Steve thinks he should have waited, and he looks breath-takingly good, just like he had yesterday, when he'd stared at them and refused to falter, refused to even look at Steve. He glances at him now, a quick fleeting thing before his gaze sweeps over the room, noting their anger and confusion. </p><p>Tony smiles, "Y'all look like shit." </p><p>Sam--<em> Sam </em> snarls, and swings, and it's only Bucky's darting hand that keeps the punch from connecting with Tony's face, and he thinks <em> that's </em> the only thing that keeps the New Avengers from all out attacking Steve's team. </p><p>There's a moment, while Bucky holds Sam back and Tony blinks at them both, that he thinks--<em> this is it. </em> </p><p>"Four and half goddamn years, Wilson, and you're gonna throw it away to punch me?" </p><p>"I fuckin' might," Sam shouts and Tony snorts. </p><p>"Was it worth it?" Natasha says. It cuts through the room, cuts through the tension, and levels Tony. </p><p>"The payoff--was it worth lying to us?" </p><p>Tony tips his head. "You read the dossier. You know why I did it." </p><p>"You thought it was the right thing," she says and her lips twitch. "You've always been very convinced you knew the <em> right </em> thing." </p><p>Tony shoves his hand in his pockets. "Fury saw the Avengers as the endgame. He saw a team that could save the world, if we played our cards right. And he was right, you know--we did. But that's where he stopped <em> seeing </em>, and I--I couldn't. I didn't." </p><p>"So you lied to us. For four <em> years </em>. You tore us apart and--" </p><p>"I did. I tore us apart and I let Ross put you in that fucking prison. I did that." He snaps, unrepentant.</p><p>Tony did that. </p><p>But Steve did too. Steve agreed to it, all those years ago, when Tony sat down from him and said, <em> you need to read these </em> and passed him the Accords. </p><p>When Tony said, <em> saving the team, saving the world might mean breaking it. </em> </p><p>When Tony said, <em> how far are you willing to trust me </em>. </p><p>And he <em> did </em>. He trusted Tony and walked right into hell with him, dammed them both to lies and loneliness, to years spent apart and distrust-- </p><p>"Why?" Peter--his name is Peter, and he's Tony's protege, the one that Tony would pin his entire world on, if he were forced to pin them on someone. "Why do this?" </p><p>"Because no one was going to believe me," Tony says. "No one wants to hear the sky is falling or that Triskelion didn't get HYDRA out of the US government, that letting the Accords have a foothold was the only way to get them to loosen up enough to kick them off the mountain. No one wants to hear that sometimes the best offense is taking one on the chin, so you get close enough to KO the other man." </p><p>"Was the Raft on the chin enough?" Wanda snarls.</p><p>"It's on the bottom of the ocean now, so yeah. I'd say we won that one," Tony says. He shrugs in the face of their fury and Steve wants to move, wants to flank him and support him and he <em> can't </em>. </p><p>Because he's not the whipping boy here. He wanted, so badly, to be. To take that so Tony wouldn't. </p><p><em> The world is used to hating me and loving you, beloved. Let's play to our strengths, </em> Tony had teased. </p><p>"Was it worth it?" Natasha asks again, and this time her voice is gentle. He glances at her, at the way she's loose, relaxed against the chair, a small curl at the corners of his lips that's so unfamiliar it <em> shocks </em> him. </p><p>She's smiling. </p><p>"The government and the Accords council is clean of HYDRA. Ross is being tried for war crimes and crimes against humanity. Peter and Harley are working on a peace-keeping initiative that means when the world ends, we're not carrying it all. And SHRA was killed on the Senate floor last week." </p><p>"But was it worth it," Natasha asks again. She staring and Tony--</p><p>Tony makes a choked noise, and his smile falters, shatters, becomes something <em> different </em>. </p><p>Tragic and lovely and <em> real </em>. </p><p>"My <em> family </em> is safe," he says. "You’re home and you're safe, and yeah--fucking <em> yes </em>, Nat, it was worth it. I'd do anything, for that." </p><p>She smiles, and leans back and Sam--</p><p>Sam glares. "Why the hell aren't you pissed, Nat? And Rhodey--you--"</p><p>"I knew," Rhodey says, lazily, and Steve jerks, hard. Tony had said <em>no</em> <em>one</em> could know, it was one of the few things they'd fought about, he'd insisted. "I've known Tony since he was pre-pubescent," Rhodey continues. "Do you really think he can manipulate me or tell little white lies? I'm not the fucking press corps," he says, almost offended, and Natasha laughs. </p><p>"You knew?" Tony says, almost <em> offended </em>. </p><p>"Neither of you are real good at lying," Bucky says, lazily and Steve’s shocked gaze swings to his best friend. That familiar glint he’s seen for <em> years-- </em>knowing and not and blanket acceptance, shines back. </p><p>“You always knew,” Steve breathes. </p><p>Bucky shrugs. “You both survived Siberia. That only happens if you both agree to it.” </p><p>“From the very <em> start </em>, Freeze-pop, you knew from the start?” Tony says, delighted and Bucky shrugs again.  </p><p>"And Steve pined," Natasha adds, smirking. "If you try this again--" Tony makes a choked noise--"make sure Steve doesn't act like a love-sick puppy." </p><p>Steve catches her eyes, bright and warm and Bucky, relaxed and solid at his side, and Tony's almost offended, hesitant smile, and he takes a breath. </p><p>It feels like the first one in four fucking <em> years </em>. </p><p>~~</p><p>It's not over. Not that simple. The team is angry, and he understands that. Tony explains, and he sits across from him, as Tony lays out the plan that was intricate and involved and heartbreaking. </p><p>Clint leaves. He's a little surprised that it's only Clint, that all of his team stays planted in their seats aside from the archer, that none of Tony's flinch. </p><p>"What happens now?" Jessica demands, finally, and all eyes swing to Tony, and he smiles.</p><p>"I have one last secret," he says and Steve tenses because he <em> knows </em> the Cassandra Protocol, helped write it, had it fucking memorized, he knew that this was it, that next was the steps to protect the world, against whatever threats they faced. </p><p>Tony still dreamed, sometimes, about the army on the other side of the wormhole, about a mad killer that hadn't come for them, but <em> would </em>. </p><p>Still. Those were problems for another day, after the team had settled, and the sting of the Cassie Protocol had worn away. </p><p>There were no more secrets, he thinks, a little frantically. </p><p>"FRIDAY, send them in, yeah?" Tony murmurs, and he blinks as--</p><p>"Oh fuck," Rhodey breathes. </p><p>Bruce Banner gives a clumsy awkward wave and leans a little into Thor, standing at his side. "Hello," he says, softly. "We're uh. We're back." </p><p>~~</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Three &amp; half years ago</b>
</p><p>Tony explains it and Steve--Steve <em>tries</em> to listen, tries to hear anything more than, <em>we're</em> <em>lying to them. </em></p><p>"I don't understand why we have to do it this way," Steve says, quiet, when Tony goes quiet, when he's still and his voice is hoarse and the only sound in the workshop is DUM-E and U. </p><p>"Why can't we trust the team?" Steve adds, looking at him. </p><p>"Who did you trust in SHIELD," Tony asks, and it hurts, because it's true and they know it. They <em> both </em> know it. </p><p>Steve trusted so many people and so many of them were HYDRA. </p><p>His hands clench. "The team--"</p><p>"Steve, you trust me. You <em> love </em> me. And even you--this is going to be impossible, if we tell people. It works if everyone believes it. If the entire world believes I broke the Avengers, and the only way to make the entire world believe that is if I actually do." </p><p>"You think HYDRA is still in DC?" </p><p>"I think they're everywhere," Tony says, bluntly. "And this--doing this, getting back into politics and breaking the team--it's going to buy us time." </p><p>Steve goes quiet. "Did you read the Winter Soldier files I sent you?" he asks, and Tony frowns. </p><p>"You told me not to. To wait for you to come home." </p><p>He had. Because he <em> wants </em> to explain--but he couldn't not at least give Tony the option of knowing. </p><p>"If we do this," Steve says softly, drawing Tony into his arms. "I have two demands. And after I tell you the first--you might not agree to the second." </p><p>Tony frowns, and Steve kisses him, softly. Gently. </p><p>Licks his lips as he pulls away, and says, "On December 16, 1991, HYDRA gave the Winter Soldier a mission." </p><p>~~</p><p>Tony retreats. Steve expects it, and it <em> hurts </em>, but he gives the other man time, space to grieve, space to be as angry as he needs. </p><p>It takes a week before Tony finally emerges from the workshop. He comes to Steve, pink and warm from his shower, and collapses into bed with Steve, and his kiss is biting and angry and desperate, but it's still given, freely given, and Steve feels the hot burn of tears, as he holds Tony close. </p><p>"We have to put together a timeline," Tony mumbles, curling against him, sleepy and warm. </p><p>"You still want to do this?" </p><p>"I don't think you get that it's not about what I want. I <em> want </em> to retire and make you my trophy husband. But I think we have to." </p><p>Steve is quiet, long enough that he thinks Tony has fallen asleep, turning it over in his mind. </p><p>The thing is--he's not sure Tony is wrong. None of them can dig deep enough into politics to root out the rot, not while they're also Avengers. None of them can affect the Accords--and there is only so much you can do with the good will of the public. </p><p>They need to be hated enough that change is necessary, need to be hated enough that the rot feels safe enough to expose itself--and they need the public's love and good will, and support. </p><p>"You said there were two things," Tony says, and it jerks Steve out of his thoughts. "I know about Barnes. What's the other?" </p><p>Steve stares down at him, and wonders what he'll do, if Tony says no. </p><p>What he'll do if he says yes. </p><p>"I'm not waiting years for this to end before I marry you," Steve says, and Tony--</p><p>Tony watches him. </p><p>And smiles. </p><p>~~</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Now </b>
</p><p>The quiet in the Compound is different, now. </p><p>Not the tense empty quiet that it's been for two long years--a humming quiet, that wraps around him, curls close and chants, <em> you </em> aren't alone. </p><p>He wasn't--he was never  <em> alone </em>, not really. Rhodey would never let him be, Peter, the other New Avengers--they all came close, claimed him as their own, made him family when he wanted to isolate himself. </p><p>But it wasn't the same. There was always something--someone--missing, and now...</p><p>Now he wanders through his quarters, bare feet silent on the plush carpet, and it's <em> quiet </em>, a peaceful, comforting quiet. </p><p>He's changed, and is considering sleep because the day has been long and emotionally exhausting and as good as it is to be under one roof again, to have his team back, that emotional exhaustion isn't going away anytime soon, not until the initial anger and resentment fades. </p><p>Steve slips into the room like a ghost, and his heart does this delicious little tumble, a familiar response to him, and Tony makes a noise, low in his throat as the other man pauses, staring at him. </p><p>It's been two <em> years </em>, since Siberia, since Peggy died and that morning in Steve's hotel room when Tony slipped up. </p><p>It's the only time he did, Peggy's death the only reason he couldn't resist. </p><p>He didn't regret it. </p><p>"Is it over?" Steve asks, softly, and Tony nods. </p><p>Steve <em> moves </em> , crosses the room in giant strides to yank Tony forward, into his arms, his mouth--oh god and Tesla, his <em> mouth </em> --crashing down on Tony's, and it's not a kiss, not really, it's too desperate and sloppy for that, all tongue and teeth and sobbing noise that Tony has no fucking <em> clue </em> who is making. Steve's hands are tight on his hips, bruising tight handholds dragging him close even as Steve presses him into the door and it's--</p><p>It's perfect. </p><p>It's <em> everything </em>. </p><p>He's gasping when Steve breaks the kiss, when he mouths at Tony's jaw and his throat, nipping and sucking bruises, and Tony tips his head back, closes his eyes and hangs on. </p><p>"I fucking missed you," he gasps and Steve makes a choked noise against his skin. </p><p>They don't make it to the bed, not before Steve is dropping to his knees and choking himself on Tony's cock, not before Tony drags him back up and lets Steve rut against his hip and spill sticky and hot against his skin, not before that desperate burning need blunts, just a little. </p><p>The second time is slower, and it's in bed, and Tony doesn't cry, when Steve fingers him open and slides his cock in, doesn't cry, when Steve kisses him gently and grinds deep, like he's afraid to pull away, doesn't cry, when Steve whispers his name and comes, almost silent in the dark of their bedroom. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div class="separator">
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</div><p>He watches Steve, eyes big and bright in the dark, and wipes away all of Steve's tears, and holds him close. </p><p>~~</p><p>Steve is sitting on the edge of their bed, when Tony emerges from the bathroom. He's only a little surprised that the other man wasn't asleep after all. </p><p>He's frowning, and wearing a thin pair of sleep pants, bearded and a little bit of a stranger, and so fucking beautiful it <em> aches </em>. </p><p>"I hated it," Steve says, softly. "Every goddamn day of it, sweetheart." </p><p>"I did too," Tony murmurs. He steps in close, wraps his arms around Steve's neck while Steve's slip around his waist, his head tips up to reach for Tony's lips. "Never again, beloved. I promise." </p><p>One finger catches in the chain around his neck, and the metal--rings and Steve's dog tags both--rattle, a familiar sound that kept him more sane than he likes to think about. Steve smiles. "Can I have this back, now?" </p><p>Slipping the ring back on Steve's finger, back on his own--Tony breathes out, and it feels like, for the first time in a long time, he isn't suffocating.</p><p>He smiles. </p><p>
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